Tear down the Walls

Its been a while and I wonder how many times i wrote that in my blog. In fact,this update is mainly for me to update myself and to some readers who still read this dead blog.

My last update was before my driving test and that is just so long ago now that i think about it. The excitement of getting my driving license even start to fade already. Driving is convenient and I am just glad that I can finally drive myself to all those places that i have to go without bothering my parents. That is the only advantage of having my license and remain as the most important one. In fact,its like a liberty to me in life and certainly shows that we are growing up in this society.

Besides the hype about being able to drive,I think the highlight so far should be my SPM result. Well,I got 11 As for SPM. Just to be more detailed,i did not get all A+ but i don't mind and I took 11 subjects. Lets just leave those comments to yourself because I am contented with my result and if this is God's plan for me then I will just obey.

Somehow,SPM result has brought mixed feelings into my new life in college.

I can feel that i am standing at a junction with few different roads branching out for me again. Instantly,I know this is the time to make choices again in my life. Scholarships are one of the option and remain important to me as I need it to make sure I can further my studies to UK. At the same time,i want to stay in my current college with my friends that i just found. This mixed emotion just scares me so much some times.

Trust is so fragile these days that we perceive everyone to be untrustable. Even I could not deny the fact that I have very fragile trust on others. Betrayal had certainly took its toll on me by destroying the trust i used to have for others.I find myself slowly losing trust for others.

It has been so long since college started and I must say that I am really tired at this point. I am tired of the things that are happening around me,friends that could not understand me and attitudes that i do not have to tolerate with.The walk of life has became tougher for me and I really hope that I can find the strength once again.

Even my usual principle of keeping everyone happy is slowly shaken. I just can't bring myself to do it anymore when people just don't seem to understand anymore. They are being more and more selfish and only care about what positive effect an action might do to themselves. Can't we just tear down the walls around us and start caring for others?

Its just hard to be me without having to endure criticism. I find myself trapped between my outer ego and myself. It feels worse when I had to feel like i am taken granted for in most of the things. If really bringing me down would make them so happy,I will stand here and let you do it then.

Tear down the walls see the world
Is there something we have missed
Turn from ourselves
Look beyond
There is so much more than this

And I don't need to see it to believe it
I don't need to see it to believe it
Cause I can't shake this
Fire deep inside my heart